Tuesday, January 22, 2008
Tuesday, December 11, 2007
Tuesday, December 04, 2007
Sunday, December 02, 2007
new too my world
its something what a little coffee may find someone like me, as we all well know randy has passed away, he is know burryed. i still think of him i still feel for him.
he had been a close best friend and loved one. i thought it was all over for me. when randy died. i didnt really want too live in this world alone, just the thought could bring me too just giving up.
God had other ideas.
i ment don on novermber 9th, i was doing as a therepest told me too do, go out have a bite too eat, that for my checkbook means what els? mcdonalds. there was a man i had meet. he was drinking his cofee and i was eating my pancakes. we had started talking of many things. i told don i am in greeving over a loved one and ask him had he ever been threw that? he answer yes his mom and dad had died by 2,003. he has been in breckenridge off and on. lives here now. i told him i am not from texas, but do have a place too live here in breckenridge.i told don ive lived here come 4 years in march. i didnt know if id stay that long tho, i hadnt said why or how i was going too leave breckenridge, i got back on the bus and went home. the next time back too mcdonalds i saw don once again this time we sat together and had breakfast.before too long he ask me if anyone could bring me home or did i have too stick with the bus, my answer was. well any friend could take me home. i wasnt ready too see his truck at this time. and dodge him when he try too shake hands. the next time too mcdonalds he got my phone number and gave me his. found out he didnt live verry far from my home at my apartment. this got me thinking do i tell him what apt number i am in?in the mean time lots of calls where made. i still keept all my rides the van service.by this time thanksgiving was coming up. i felt well if he truely wants too know me as a person, i could cook him a dinner.everyone in this little piss ant town started too see me ride with don in his truck. don help me walk threw some final steps on randys burryal.i havent been too the gravsite still too painful.
jude fuller of the court house here ment up with don and i, was glad we found each other.fuller was verry excited too see me out of my apt. many people who have knowen don threw the years i am meeting now. talk about everyone knows him. as he would tell you tho. not many would go do things with him as i have been. evan if it is just going for coffee each morning at the mcdonalds.he wanted someone too go and do things with for himself. i guess i am the chosen one, we feel it was some kind of fate. don has been on his own about 10 yrs after his mom died, being he is a old child, and many family live in diffrant parts of the usa. i get too hear and see his mom and dad on vcr tapes.don showed me pictures of his mom. i see her in his eyes.he kinda sounds like his dad at times.all 3 of them are talkers! wow i thought i was a jabber jaws!!
needless too say when don and i spend time together there isnt much quite time, we talk all the time like makine up for lost time, oh well if you did this son let me tell you what i have done. hehe i am having fun meeting the remaining family members on his side.i have keept my family out of this. many of you know why i would. i just wish i could have someone happy with me thats knows the true me!i do tho in my church family and friends in town, my manger, the mantnace guy and judge fuller. not that i need too have their appoveal. just fun too let people know i am ok, i dont think of cutting my shunt out as i had done right after randy died.
its fun too share a life with don, seeing his side and him seeing mine. he did go too the vetame war, he gets me movies so i can hear of his way of life there he went in and got his budies out of them death camps in the name.he didnt get hurt. its still part of his life some of the things he had too do too suurive like eating snakes and rats, taking leaches out of his skin, i am like dang i thought my abuse was bad from the so called family i was born too. i am glad not all my stories too don are not all bad. i do have good memorys or things i can laugh at now that i am safe in my own place. that was randys last wish, that i stay in brecenridge, be happy be safe and have my life go on. i am working on it, i do have a new dream and many new hopes. i want all my friends too know this.
much love
cindykay
don barefield
many 1st c-mas, new yrs and much more times too come ;o)
he had been a close best friend and loved one. i thought it was all over for me. when randy died. i didnt really want too live in this world alone, just the thought could bring me too just giving up.
God had other ideas.
i ment don on novermber 9th, i was doing as a therepest told me too do, go out have a bite too eat, that for my checkbook means what els? mcdonalds. there was a man i had meet. he was drinking his cofee and i was eating my pancakes. we had started talking of many things. i told don i am in greeving over a loved one and ask him had he ever been threw that? he answer yes his mom and dad had died by 2,003. he has been in breckenridge off and on. lives here now. i told him i am not from texas, but do have a place too live here in breckenridge.i told don ive lived here come 4 years in march. i didnt know if id stay that long tho, i hadnt said why or how i was going too leave breckenridge, i got back on the bus and went home. the next time back too mcdonalds i saw don once again this time we sat together and had breakfast.before too long he ask me if anyone could bring me home or did i have too stick with the bus, my answer was. well any friend could take me home. i wasnt ready too see his truck at this time. and dodge him when he try too shake hands. the next time too mcdonalds he got my phone number and gave me his. found out he didnt live verry far from my home at my apartment. this got me thinking do i tell him what apt number i am in?in the mean time lots of calls where made. i still keept all my rides the van service.by this time thanksgiving was coming up. i felt well if he truely wants too know me as a person, i could cook him a dinner.everyone in this little piss ant town started too see me ride with don in his truck. don help me walk threw some final steps on randys burryal.i havent been too the gravsite still too painful.
jude fuller of the court house here ment up with don and i, was glad we found each other.fuller was verry excited too see me out of my apt. many people who have knowen don threw the years i am meeting now. talk about everyone knows him. as he would tell you tho. not many would go do things with him as i have been. evan if it is just going for coffee each morning at the mcdonalds.he wanted someone too go and do things with for himself. i guess i am the chosen one, we feel it was some kind of fate. don has been on his own about 10 yrs after his mom died, being he is a old child, and many family live in diffrant parts of the usa. i get too hear and see his mom and dad on vcr tapes.don showed me pictures of his mom. i see her in his eyes.he kinda sounds like his dad at times.all 3 of them are talkers! wow i thought i was a jabber jaws!!
needless too say when don and i spend time together there isnt much quite time, we talk all the time like makine up for lost time, oh well if you did this son let me tell you what i have done. hehe i am having fun meeting the remaining family members on his side.i have keept my family out of this. many of you know why i would. i just wish i could have someone happy with me thats knows the true me!i do tho in my church family and friends in town, my manger, the mantnace guy and judge fuller. not that i need too have their appoveal. just fun too let people know i am ok, i dont think of cutting my shunt out as i had done right after randy died.
its fun too share a life with don, seeing his side and him seeing mine. he did go too the vetame war, he gets me movies so i can hear of his way of life there he went in and got his budies out of them death camps in the name.he didnt get hurt. its still part of his life some of the things he had too do too suurive like eating snakes and rats, taking leaches out of his skin, i am like dang i thought my abuse was bad from the so called family i was born too. i am glad not all my stories too don are not all bad. i do have good memorys or things i can laugh at now that i am safe in my own place. that was randys last wish, that i stay in brecenridge, be happy be safe and have my life go on. i am working on it, i do have a new dream and many new hopes. i want all my friends too know this.
much love
cindykay
don barefield
many 1st c-mas, new yrs and much more times too come ;o)
Sunday, November 04, 2007
we didnt ask for the life!
we guess it isnt safe being honest. too addmit being a human with a heart!
warning rage writing dont read anymore if you cant take the heat.
them mother fuckers they dont get it, we loved randy every part of him. we cant say why it hurts too lose a beloved friend.well they all could go burn in fucking hell for all we care."dont cry for the dead for they have already past". ok so in that thought what the fuck is it worth living for when we cant evan remer him. if he never was alive. we wouldnt have the pain of a love lost too cancer. it seems all people are for is their own selfish person. "whats in it for me"?
we ask why do we be left behind is that selfish if so then we are fucking selfish!
"dont be so nagtive. why the fuck not? what is there too be postive of. what do we act happy so we will be happy acting is not an option."fake it till you make it"here again see they ask for faking but cant see a real MPD. that is and was a copping skill. we guess we are fuck there too so fuck it all too who may read this. if you say too yourself she wants too be pist.then so be it you all dont give a flying fuck anyhow!
RAGE
warning rage writing dont read anymore if you cant take the heat.
them mother fuckers they dont get it, we loved randy every part of him. we cant say why it hurts too lose a beloved friend.well they all could go burn in fucking hell for all we care."dont cry for the dead for they have already past". ok so in that thought what the fuck is it worth living for when we cant evan remer him. if he never was alive. we wouldnt have the pain of a love lost too cancer. it seems all people are for is their own selfish person. "whats in it for me"?
we ask why do we be left behind is that selfish if so then we are fucking selfish!
"dont be so nagtive. why the fuck not? what is there too be postive of. what do we act happy so we will be happy acting is not an option."fake it till you make it"here again see they ask for faking but cant see a real MPD. that is and was a copping skill. we guess we are fuck there too so fuck it all too who may read this. if you say too yourself she wants too be pist.then so be it you all dont give a flying fuck anyhow!
RAGE
Tuesday, October 30, 2007
Sunday, October 28, 2007
words too a lost heart
my dear, my love, i want too feel you. i look inside my broken heart that you held.
in your tender hand. are you still holding a place for me?have you ask for my peace.
have you asked for mercy. when you stand before the Lord. do you ask for the angels
too love me?my love the enemy is always near you know this. plead for me that she may not push me too my door of death that sits in my soul.my dear ask for me too let myself go too the place where no one can see me. my hidden place that you know.my randy in me there is a dream a life we shared. i feel part of our home has no roof. all i can feel is the rain of tears. coming down on me. i see the lighting of my rage.
i know now i can only be what i am. where no one knows i am here. no one sees me as you have my dear, my love, my heart, i am so sorry i wasnt there too see you die. i wanted my voice too be in your mind forgive me please. i am so sorry elaine who wanted too gut you, wanted too make you into randy steaks, what did she bring you the flesh you didnt want too live in?my randy my days are filled with sun, my heart lies in a deep sadness. i am so sorry too be broken i am not what other want me too be. you know this. my little girl cry for you my daddy. thank you for loving me. daddy please hear the little girl who begs for you lovrrandy my good daddy no money can buy a toy too love as i have you. we lost cindy for she doesnt want too be here. we are lost without you. you were our reason for living. what is life with a heart of rivers of tears. daddy please us. please give us a way too know you are here, i beg for this.too say goodnight. is too say if i ever didnt wake i know you would understnd. for your heart went too peaces. we have your words randy our daddy.
wella-littlefeet
in your tender hand. are you still holding a place for me?have you ask for my peace.
have you asked for mercy. when you stand before the Lord. do you ask for the angels
too love me?my love the enemy is always near you know this. plead for me that she may not push me too my door of death that sits in my soul.my dear ask for me too let myself go too the place where no one can see me. my hidden place that you know.my randy in me there is a dream a life we shared. i feel part of our home has no roof. all i can feel is the rain of tears. coming down on me. i see the lighting of my rage.
i know now i can only be what i am. where no one knows i am here. no one sees me as you have my dear, my love, my heart, i am so sorry i wasnt there too see you die. i wanted my voice too be in your mind forgive me please. i am so sorry elaine who wanted too gut you, wanted too make you into randy steaks, what did she bring you the flesh you didnt want too live in?my randy my days are filled with sun, my heart lies in a deep sadness. i am so sorry too be broken i am not what other want me too be. you know this. my little girl cry for you my daddy. thank you for loving me. daddy please hear the little girl who begs for you lovrrandy my good daddy no money can buy a toy too love as i have you. we lost cindy for she doesnt want too be here. we are lost without you. you were our reason for living. what is life with a heart of rivers of tears. daddy please us. please give us a way too know you are here, i beg for this.too say goodnight. is too say if i ever didnt wake i know you would understnd. for your heart went too peaces. we have your words randy our daddy.
wella-littlefeet
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